Step One, Part Six

* Reservations

1. Have I accepted the full measure of my disease?
- I believe I have. I've become willing and fully surrendered myself to this disease. I know I have a problem and that I have a lot of changes to make before I can heal. And even though it will continue to be very difficult, I also have come to realize that this will be a life long battle, as there is no "cure" to this disease.

2. Do I think I can still associate with the people connected to my addiction? Can I still go to the places were I used? Do I think it's wise to keep drugs or paraphernalia around, just to "remind myself" or test my recovery? If so, why?
- Absolutely not. I've already cut ties with all my old "friends" which I have come to learn were just using buddies, and not friends at all. And no, it's definitely not safe to keep any type of drug or paraphernalia around me or my house because I don't feel I'm to a point that if I was alone I could say no. I don't feel comfortable testing myself, and this early in my recovery, I feel it could be very detrimental. One day I pray I will be able to look at it and comfortably say no, but not today. Before I even left rehab, I told my dad where my stash was and asked him to get rid of it. I did not want to see it anymore, especially after I just got out of a rehabilitation center and was well on my way to recovery.

3. Do I think that with some amount of clean time, or different circumstances, I'd be able to control using?
-You know, when I first went into treatment, I thought that I'd still be able to smoke pot. But honestly , before I got out, I had my stash thrown out, and because I learned so much while in treatment & by going to meetings, I don't even feel the need to get high anymore. 

4. Is there something I think I can't get through clean, some event that might happen that is so painful that I'll have to use to survive the hurt?
- Honestly, I can confidently say I don't think so. I've revolved my new life around this program, and I have learned to better deal with life. In such a way that I never want to use again. And that's huge for me to feel like that. Because before, all I could think about was how I couldn't wait to get high.

5. What reservations am I still holding on to?
- As I said before, I still held onto the reservation that I could still smoke pot when I got out. But since I've been clean for 31 days, I don't even feel the urge to use anymore. I have no reservations and I'm ready for this new life to consume me.