Step One, Part Nine

*Moving On

1. How do I know that it is time to move on?
-Because I've been so desperate and hurting so badly, that I couldn't stand anyone, let alone myself. This is no way to live. It's time for a new Lexie, and a new, clean life.

2. What is my understanding of step one?
- I'm a powerless addict and in active addiction, my life quickly spirals out of control. My understanding of step one is that it's centered around acceptance at a deep level. The cause-effect relationship between my lifes problems and my using. I have a problem and it's addiction, affecting the way I think, feel, and act. And that is not limited to where I'm active in my addiction. Taking drugs out of the equation helps although it does not fully constitute recovery but only enables it. Step one also involves understanding the concept of powerlessness in regard to my addiction. When I start using, I'm gripped by a compulsion to use more and more. That's when I become powerless over my addiction. Unmanageability was more a matter of what goes on in my inner life, as outwardly looking, my life does not seem that bad at all. But on the inside, I recognize the unmanageability in the regard of my way of thinking and my emotions. I've heard someone say, "Once an addict, always an addict." So returning to using is just not an option for me, unless I want all the baggage that comes along with it. Which I definitely do not.

3. How has my prior knowledge and experience affected my work on this step?
- I've come to a place where I see the results and turmoil of my old way of life, and have accepted that a new way of living is called for. I'm already starting to see how rich the possibilities of recovery are. I have freedom from my active addiction and and seeing the void that I've been filling with drugs and other compulsive behaviors. I believe that working the steps will fill that void in a correct manner.