Step One, Part Seven

*Surrender

1. What am I afraid of about the concept of surrender, if anything? What convinces me that I can't use successfully anymore?
-I've only recently become aware & convinced that I'm not able to use successfully. The farther down the road to recovery I travel and the farther I get away from using, the more clear things become. I've been absolutely miserable for the last 2 1/2 years. I thought I was using successfully. But I used in order to function on some level of normality. I used to numb my feelings, so I could live somewhat happy. But increasingly, I've become aware that I was not living at all.

2. Do I accept that I'll never regain control, even after a long period of abstinence?
- Completely. Recovery will be a life long process for me. I'll never be "recovered," I just continue to recovery day by day, and that will last forever.

3. Can I begin my recovery without complete surrender?
- No, because if I haven't fully surrendered, then I haven't completely come to terms with the fact that I am an addict and have the disease of addiction.

4. What would life be like if I fully surrendered?
- I have fully surrendered myself to this disease because I want healing and recovery. And let me tell you, life is so much better on this side of addiction. I'm happier than I've been since I can remember.

5. Can I continue my recovery without complete surrender?
- Absolutely not.